I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
