I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
