If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
