Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
