Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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