I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
