You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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