never play flip cup with pint glasses
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
