You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
