I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We need to get me chipped asap
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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