so explain again why im purple
no
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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