I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
