Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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