Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
