When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
