This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just pee around me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
