I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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