Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
