Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
