I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
