What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
