maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
