ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
