dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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