i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
