I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
