i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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