All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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