you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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