Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
