Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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