If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
