I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
