can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
