Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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