Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
