My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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