Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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