My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
