i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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