Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize