You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Floor bacon is actually really good
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize