She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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