My cat gives me a boner
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize