I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
