You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
