Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
