Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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