I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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