how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
