you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
