come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
