day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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