accomplished twins. life is a go
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
