Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
