just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
