$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My pussy is not your playground.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
