I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
