Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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