he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
