As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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