Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
