not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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