This is not my ceiling
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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