Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
3 2 1 whiskey
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
