he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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