i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
