So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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