I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This is the high leading the old right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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