Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
