Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
