i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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