Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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