Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
