Can i not drive my cunt home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize