Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
