Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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