wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
