I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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