I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize