This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
