I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize