I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
