and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
