You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize