Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
