Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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