Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
