Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
