Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
