why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
