Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We have started to decorate penises.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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