In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
